I put “no hookups, no communists” in my Tinder profile. I haven’t been getting any matches so there must either be a bunch of sluts around me of a bunch of godless reds.
phrases like “you don’t owe anyone anything” and “relationships aren’t transactional” have the power to be used in ways that are very backwards and harmful
for example, no you don’t owe anyone anything in that if some creep is trying to get with you, you can block him without feeling bad. you don’t owe kindness to people who are transphobic or racist or bigoted.
but, you can’t use this as an excuse to fuck over people who have helped you. “you don’t owe anyone anything” isn’t an excuse to allow yourself to forget compassion and basic empathy, it isn’t an excuse for you to be an asshole just because you find it easier to be one
relationships aren’t transactional in that if your partner does something nice for you, you are indebted to them. they do these things because they love you; it is their choice to express love through these gestures
but they are transactional in that you both actively need to be putting time and care into the relationship. ignoring the dynamic of one person caring too much (and putting in excessive (emotional an literal) work and labor) while the other does nothing isn’t healthy. one person can’t solely take and the other person can’t solely give- that’s dangerous, and you can’t put the bandaid of “this isn’t transactional” over a relationship that is draining you in all capacities
i’m tired of seeing these things being misconstrued and used as an excuse to hurt people, while framing it as a way of taking care of yourself
we wrote him to be above all…relatable. i think there’s a bunch of people out there who can relate to once upon a time being sad, lonely kids who write bullshit on the internet and resort to guilt tripping to make friends. and yeah, we were going for kinda unlikeable but also for “oh honey, c’mere it’s okay”. kind of the way the protag gets in the end of the good route like…sweetie, you’re fine. your dark secret is you like pop videos? it’s okay. show me your fanfic. just…stop being weird and passive aggressive about shit.
like…people can be a little bit shitty but also worthy of friendship and respect and second chances. people can grow.