[transcript: An xkcd I ruined for old time’s sake! PANEL 1: Rose Lalonde approaches the counter at a stand run by Jane Crocker. ROSE: Just this apple, thanks. JANE: That will be one dollar. ROSE: Exactly? No tax or anything? JANE: That’s right. PANEL 2: Rose stares at the apple. PANEL 3: JANE: …Is that a problem? ROSE: It’s just weird to realize that every other transaction in my life will be more complicated than this. PANEL 4: ROSE: This is like a platonic ideal exchange. An apple for a dollar. JANE: I see. PANEL 5: ROSE: Are we on a frictionless plane? Is a train leaving Chicago at 40 mph? Should I solve for something?? JANE: Okay, apples are $4.13 now. ROSE: That’s… probably better for us both.]
rose: I’m sure this all bequeaths a sense of accomplishment for you, you are cultivating within your realm, your radius. Look at all this verdant splendour. Certainly a sight to behold.
rose: None other can boast a hardworking lifestyle in the shadow of your tedium.
rose: But for what,
rose: an opulent display of waste. A vain show of outdated and unnecessary norms imprinted upon us by our forebearers, equally thoughtless and utterly concieted.
rose: You’re a symbol of gluttony, the sin in its truest sense. Consumption without regard to others, tossing what precious little we have to the dirt.
rose: I would rip you from this earth if not for the little restraint I have.
the lawn sprinkler she’s talking to: CHK CHK CHK CHK CHK FSSSSSSSHHHHH
I just want a rich business butch to make me her trophy wife and buy me louboutins and jewelry and take me to galas in a sexy tesla sports car and open the door for me in her sexy 3 piece suit and take my delicate hand as I arise out of the car in 6 inch louboutins and a red silk dress with a super high thigh slit and she walks me down the red carpet and into the gala honoring me for my work in my chosen profession because im her femme trophy wife but i also have advanced degrees in my field and I’ve written books and shit and she proof reads for me since I’m a lesbian that can’t spell and she’s my sexy power wife that wears power suits 24/7 and intimidates our kid’s teachers at school for pushing heteronormative stereotypes onto our child and says something at the end of the meeting with the principal like “and if I ever have to come down here for bullshit about my daughter rightfully defending herself I will make your life a living hell” and I’m at the curb in our tesla crossover because we respect the earth and my daughter says something witty about how the public school system is classist and it’s time for revolution and she wants a dog for her birthday but she’s only 10 and were not sure she’s ready for the responsibility and commitment of raising a pet but then I realize I want the dog so we go to the pet store and get a great Dane with black and white spots and name her daisy and the dog is also a lesbian. and also me and my wife bang in the tesla sports car.
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